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Divorce Related Anger

In 2004, there were more than 153,000 divorces in England and in Wales; this was an increase of more than 4 percent over previous years. Further, two thirds of women filed for divorce and more than 50 percent stated that the husbandís behavior was the cause of the divorce. Divorce related anger is very common both before and after any divorce however anger is frequently compounded when one of the spouses had been unfaithful. Additionally, there will always be resentment in the eyes of the injured party and such resentment can become uncontrollable. Whatís worse is the fact that in failing to control anger, a divorce becomes that much more difficult.

Divorce related anger will affect your abilities at work, at home and more importantly, such anger, when not appropriately managed, can banefully affect the lives of your children. Younger children are very easily influenced by the anger associated with a divorce. Further, not only does excessive anger affect your ability to work but also affects your childrenís ability to adapt to a new environment successfully. In fact, excessive anger can negatively affect their schooling and your children, as a result, may display a sudden or dramatic drop in the area of academic achievement.

Bitterness is usually the culprit behind excessive anger. Many parties use this bitterness to inflict as much emotional pain on the other in any way they possibly can. Excessive anger leads to daily bouts of fighting and, in many instances, the children are used as pawns in this emotionally charged environment.

In terms of custody, usually one parent will maintain physical custody of the children and the other parent will approve of or win visitation rights. Nevertheless, such a division, if it is charged with excessive anger, can become extremely difficult; the party that possesses excessive anger may use the situation to their best advantage by creating an unpleasant atmosphere for visitation.

The courts do not do much to smooth over the bitter consequences of divorce. In fact, the court will make every effort to be impartial: courts will divide property, award custody and award monthly support to the party who has physical custody of the children. Ironically, the courts division of property may fuel the fires of excessive anger in either party.

There are numerous ways to ease the induced anger that is frequently associated with divorce and it is recommended that you find an experienced solicitor. Of course, this will in no way eliminate the anger that may be produced as a result of your divorce, but it can help you keep your rights protected; even if you become the victim of an excessively angry, soon to be ex-spouse. Further, a constructive and sensitive approach by your solicitor in settling any differences makes the divorce less stressful and it does not fan the bitterness and anger that may already exist.

The best approach for any solicitor is to take a non-aggressive approach to the proceedings. In doing so, it does not fan any anger and it also bears in mind the fact that you still have to see the other party after the divorce, especially if you have children together. Conversely, it is important to remember that there is a fine line between taking a firm stand and being non-confrontational.

When you do feel excessive anger rising try to remain as calm as possible. In fact, you might want to learn a few relaxation exercises. In addition to relaxation exercises, why not try to start writing a journal? Writing your personal feelings in a journal can benefit you in a number of ways. First, you will have a constructive outlet for your anger, one that will prevent you from hurting yourself or others. Second, you will be able to express your feelings openly in a journal without and fear of repercussions. Finally, you will feel immensely better after releasing your angry feelings and as a result, you will find journaling extremely therapeutic.

If the above suggestions do not help you, try and get emotional counseling by contacting your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau in your area, and find out who may be able to point you to an NGO that you could speak to. Further, always try to remember that divorce should be end to a problem, never the beginning of a new one. Finally, forgive your spouse, let the anger out and just move on. Life is what you make it, so make the best of it.

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