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Dealing with Christmas & Other Holidays Post-Divorce
Holidays can be difficult to get through after a divorce, especially if you no longer have a close bond with your ex-spouseís family. Nevertheless, if you and your ex-spouse have children, you will need to devise a method for sharing visitation rights for the holidays. Further, to keep the holidays as happy as possible, you will need to maintain an amicable attitude toward your ex-spouse.
Some divorcees alternate the holidays in which they will have visitation with their children. For instance, if one spouse has the children on Christmas, the other partner will have the children for the next holiday. Or, if one spouse has the children for Christmas, the other partner will have the children for the day on the following Christmas.
What is important to remember about holidays is that you should take your childrenís wishes into account. If they want to be with your spouse on a particular holiday, it would be good for you to allow it to happen. After all, if you and your spouse have agreed to alternate holidays, you will have them on the next holiday. In the end, it is important to try to make your children as happy as possible during the holiday and try to consider their happiness when planning holiday events.
Conversely, you and your ex-spouse can consider dividing up the holiday. Some parents divide up the holiday into half-days; one parent will have the children in the morning and the other parent will have the children in the afternoon. This method of visitation is fair to everyone, and no one has to feel left out during the holiday season.
Finally, in terms of visitation, you will want to consider all of the grandparents of your children. Grandparents will want to see their grandchildren on the holidays, so you and your spouse will want to make arrangements for visitation before hand. Again, either of the above methods will work when you are determining a good time for your children to see their grandparents; in the end, if you allow your children to maintain a strong familial bond, you will be doing everything to ensure their happiness.
Even if you donít feel very friendly toward your ex-spouse, you will want to address them with civility. The holidays are not about expressing resentment or harboured feelings. Rather, you want to enjoy your holidays and make them as enjoyable as possible for your children.
By maintaining friendly conversation with your ex-spouse, you will increase the likelihood of successfully working out visitation plans with them. Whatís more, in remaining civil, you will significantly reduce the stress you may feel when holidays arrive. Finally, your children will be grateful for your friendliness toward your ex-spouse; spouses that argue donít often realize that they upset their children in the process.
Gifts for Your Ex-Spouse
There is no law stating that you have to purchase gifts for your ex-spouse. Nevertheless, you might want to consider the fact that your children may want to give their other parent gifts on special occasions. Therefore, you might want to consider giving your children money so that they can shop for appropriate gifts.
Again, it is important to remember that holidays are not about revenge or expressing ill will. If you spend the holidays angry, you are not only ruining the holidays for yourself, but you are probably making them uncomfortable for everyone around you. Bear in mind that your children deserve to enjoy the holidays, and try to keep them as amicable as possible.