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When You've had an Affair and Want to Try to Save Your Marriage

Chances are you did not plan for this to happen. Most affairs begin as innocent flirtations around the office or at a party and before you know it you have committed the act and there is no denying it, no turning back from it. It cannot be undone.

Now you have been confronted by your spouse and they are understandably hurt. They feel betrayed and rightfully so. It is a betrayal in the strongest sense of the word. You promised this person that you would be with them, for them only, for the rest of your lives and now you have thrown that away for a short-lived moment of physical pleasure. If you want to save your marriage, now is the time to own up to what you have done and take your place in the hot spot.

Your spouse will go through the gamut of emotions, from feeling hurt and betrayed to angry and vengeful and then to the numb realization that nothing will ever be the same between you. This is the hard truth of what has happened. You have changed the dynamic of your relationship in a most fundamental way. You have injected a level of distrust into it that will be hard to excise, if not impossible. You must face the fact that you will be paying for this mistake for the rest of your marriage. Now it is time to do some things to assure that the marriage lasts long the rest of the week so you can begin paying your debt to your spouse. If you are lucky, your spouse will forgive you and will not hold this mistake over your head forever. If you are lucky they might even come to trust you once more. There are some things you can do to facilitate this.

Firstly, take the blame that you are due. You did this, not your spouse. However you may feel that they had a part in what occurred-that they were distant and drove you to it, or that they didn’t appreciate you or make you feel wanted or loved, however you have rationalized what you did-always remember that it was you who made the decision to cheat on your spouse. It is very possible that your spouse did all of those things to make you feel unwanted and unloved, but in the end they were not the one in someone else’s arms. So take the blame for the act itself and then you might have a chance to come together and discuss why you did what you did.

In the majority of the cases in which infidelity are an issue, there is blame enough to go around. The key to resolving the issue is to discuss these calmly and openly. If your fears or concerns are communicated calmly and rationally they have a better chance of being accepted by your spouse.

If they are the loving person you married and the rift in your relationship is not too far gone to save, there is every chance that you will be able to talk through both your issues. The key to most of this is to own up to your mistake and promise that you will never stray again, and mean it, and promise that you will work together to return your marriage to where it was when you spoke those vows to each other. It will be difficult and there will be tears and anger and hopefully in the end, love. It will be a long road, hopefully until death do you part.