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Should You End Your Relationship

Even with the high divorce rates in modern society, most people do not enter marriage or relationships with the plan to divorce. People marry or live together with the hopes that the initial love and excitement will last for the rest of their lives. However reality does set in and people do find themselves unhappy with their partners or with the relationship.

Some basic questions need to be asked:

Are you happy? Happiness is not a frivolous goal in life. If you are not fulfilled as an individual, you will not make a good parent or partner. Even in modern times, the myth of happily ever after survives. However, this is not always the reality. It is not realistic to expect that you will be happy every moment of your waking hours, but it is realistic to expect that your marriage provides a major source of happiness for you.

Are you staying in the relationship for practical reason? Divorce can be very inconvenient, when one considers the division of property, businesses, and the arrangements for children. However, with proper support and advice, these can be made manageable. They are not reasons to stay in an unhappy situation.

Are you afraid of your partner’s reactions? Emotional blackmail and threats are not good reasons to stay in a relationship. If your partner threatens suicide, to take the kids, or all the property, that in itself is a good reason to consider divorce. Get a good solicitor and counsellor. Don’t try to do things yourself in these situations.

Are you afraid of disappointing your children, your parents and your friends if you divorce your partner? People may well be upset and disappointed if you prove the fairy-tale life wrong. However, it is your own happiness and well being that comes first. They will all adjust!

Have you considered all options to mend the relationship? Counselling can be a good idea, as it will either reassure you that you have made the right decision to divorce or help salvage the relationship if that is a possibility. Encourage your partner to attend, or go on your own if you need to.

Leaving a relationship or a divorce, even if it is your own choice, is a painful experience. You will the same floods of memory, regrets, and feelings of loss, sadness, guilt and loneliness. You will need the support of friends and family all the same. If the divorce is your choice, you may also feel elated and relieved at times. Mixed emotions are the norm. However, it is important that you don’t allow your feelings of guilt to force you into over-generous gestures towards the person you are leaving. Be fair, be equitable, but you don’t need to give all away. If there are children involved, you are still entitled to your parental rights. You are divorcing your partner, not your children.

In a well managed divorce both partners should come out with a sense of pride and accomplishments about the successful years of the relationship. They should be able to heal from hurt and hard-feelings and revel in the good memories they have shared. If there are children involved, the couple should have established a solid parenting project.

A divorce or a break-up should not be viewed as a failure. It is merely a project that was attempted and succeeded for awhile. Both parties have benefited and learned from the experience and can move on in their lives with that new wisdom. It is far more destructive to remain in an unhappy relationship, than it is to have the courage to end what no longer works. That way, everyone is free to achieve their potential and goals.