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Who Are The Abusers?
Domestic violence is an issue for many women, and some men, that took over their lives and relationship with little warning …or so they thought. Looking back, most can recall certain moments where their abuser exhibited red flags for what the future may hold but, not realizing these signs, they did not take heed of them. Listed below are a few of the typical qualities that a potential abuser may possess.
Does Not Take Responsibility
Abusers are usually people who cannot take any responsibility for their own actions, own lives, or where their lives have taken them. For example, if they have trouble holding a job it is the government’s fault or the fault of those running the businesses where they have previously worked. They feel no one gives them a chance, no one believes in them (even their partner), etc. This helps to lead up to the next red flag.
Everyone Is Against Them
These types of individuals often feel that everyone is against them, including their employers, their spouse, and their family. Even if someone tries to give these individuals reasonable advice, they will turn it around in their head as an attack against them and claim that their spouses are putting them down instead of trying to help them out. They can also get quite accusatory over time when they feel that the people in their lives are not “on their side” and, after the abuse begins, this can lead to violence.
Such individuals often have frequent uncontrolled anger and no other way to release these feelings that they have trouble keeping in check. When the individuals get angry with individuals outside of the home, they will usually keep it pent up until they get home (instead of confronting those individuals) and then possibly yell, scream, and/or hit walls in the beginning, which will turn into violence towards the family as time passes.
Drug or Alcohol Problem
Some, but not all, abusers may have a drug or alcohol problem, even before the violence begins. This exacerbates the self-esteem, self-image, and/or anger problems that most abusers already have and can often make the violence worse. Since a drug or alcohol problem in the family home can make many matters more complicated, even if the person with the drug or alcohol problem is not violent, it is best to not get involved in a serious relationship, especially one where there is the potential for children, with someone that you know to have such a problem.
Although we have referred to spousal abusers during this article, you do not have to be married to your significant other for the relationship to turn violent. It can happen between those who are living together, those who have children together, or those who are just seeing each other. Also we have referred to men as the abusers against women, when it could also be a woman against a man, a woman against a woman, or a man against a man. Just because you do not fit the traditional mold of a spousal relationship, it does not mean that violence is not a problem or that it is any easier to escape.
Domestic violence can creep up in any relationship if warning signs are not realized or are ignored. Before you find yourself in a potentially dangerous relationship, it is best to discover if your current love interest possesses the qualities of a potential spousal abuser. There are many warning signs that people can look out for that may alert them to a problem before the relationship gets too serious and before they find themselves in a situation that they just cannot handle.