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Working Up the Courage to End the Relationship

There is perhaps no harder decision to be made than the decision to separate from your spouse. After all, you loved this person deeply at some point, probably not all that long ago. You share a home, material things, maybe even a child or two. Most painfully, you also share a psychological connection. Your spouse knows you, knows what your favorite ice cream is and what your favorite song is. Perhaps that sounds silly, but it is hard to walk away from someone who knows you so well. With all that being said, sometimes a relationship is damaged beyond repair and it becomes necessary for a couple to separate.

It can be scary striking out on your own again. Your standard of living will go down because you simply won’t have as much money as a single person as you did as a married person. You may be afraid that if leave your spouse, you will never find anyone else. You may also be afraid to tell your spouse - perhaps he or she is abusive, or maybe you are really afraid of hurting that person whom you loved. The process of going to court is also unsettling for most people. You live your entire life thinking that court is only for bad people and people to whom bad things have happened. Not to mention the fact that you may have never hired legal representation and don’t know what the process will be like.

Despite all of these problems, sometimes there is no other answer. You must somehow get past all your fears and work up the courage to end your relationship. There are a few steps you can take, both physical and psychological; to help reassure yourself that divorce is really the best answer for you.

The first thing you can do is talk to a therapist, a good friend, or a religious leader. Often, talking about your fears and thinking about ways that you will cope with the bad things that may happen as a result of your separation will actually help you feel better. Having an idea of what you will do in case some bad scenario plays out will make it less frightening.

Another step you can take is to talk to a legal representative, a solicitor or a lawyer. You can ask him or her any questions you might have about how the divorce will work and what you can expect. He or she will also talk about options for settling your divorce, like mediation or arbitration, and will give you an idea of how the divorce might play out. Again, knowing what to expect will make filing for a divorce that much easier.

Create a plan for yourself. How will you make money? Where will you live? Will you start dating right away, or are you going to take a period to mourn the loss of your marriage? In your ideal world, what would be the situation with the marital assets? What would be the best situation for the children given the circumstances? Give yourself permission to be sad about the dissolution of your marriage; just because you are the one who wanted the divorce doesn’t mean it is easy for you. However, don’t let it consume you and don’t mistake your sadness with a longing to try and repair your relationship.

The best way to work up the courage to end a relationship is to have a lot of knowledge about what will come after the separation. Knowing about the process of the divorce, what you are going to do in different situations during and after the proceedings will make you feel better and make it easier to ask for a divorce.