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Why Do People Divorce?

Those that have suffered through a separation or divorce know that the whole ordeal can likely be compared with swimming in the ocean and having your leg bitten off by a shark. Some feel very bitter afterwards and often times unwilling to enter into another meaningful relationship, afraid of being hurt again. For some, it hurts in their heart; for others it hurts in their pocketbook. So if the whole process can be so unpleasant, why do people get divorced? This is not an easy question to answer. There are just as many different reasons for divorces as there are divorce lawyers. What follows are probably the leading reasons why relationships sink like the Titanic – but first, let’s look at the statistics.

The Statistics

In England and Wales, the divorce rate in 2004 had dropped slightly from the previous year. This is good news; however it is hardly anything to cheer about, especially for the 153,399 couples who filed for divorce in 2004. Around 69% of those divorces were between couples who had never been married before, and the number of divorces that were granted to the wife was also about 69%. The reason given for over half of these divorces was the unreasonable behaviour of the husbands. The real good news is that some counseling services saw a 10% increase in the use of their services. This brings us to the subject of the number one cause of divorces – lack of communication.

Communication

Coming home from work and going straight to the telly or popping down to the pub to have a drink and watch the football match is hardly a means of keeping the channels of communication open with your spouse. Yes, this mostly is directed at the men, but you only have to look at the statistics to understand why. Unfortunately we live in a society that faces growing means of turning off from the physical world and turning on to the digital one, with satellite television providers offering more channels to watch and internet sites offering more content to download. Not surprisingly, for some people, their sole method of communicating with others is via online chat rooms. Love can only continue to grow when it is nurtured, which requires communication – and trust.

Trust

Communication is important, but honest communication is even more important. Nothing good can come from a relationship where there is distrust on one side, or even both sides of the partnership. Secrets can kill a relationship quickly, and the thing about secrets is that they have a nasty habit of coming out, usually at the most inopportune times. For example, that office party is a ripe environment for the boss’ wife to find out that he has been shagging the secretary.

Extramarital Affairs

This happens quite a lot and is a quick way for things to go bad in a relationship. Strangely, though, this kind of behaviour is more survivable than people realise, but only if the guilty party confesses to it. The affair compounded by the attempt to hide it is typically what causes the brakes to lock up.

Seeking Help

Unless you have the arguing tactics of a trained hostage negotiator, trying to deal with the problems in the relationship by yourself can be very tricky. If your discussions turn into yelling contests, or even wrestling matches, then you will likely need the assistance of someone outside the relationship. Unfortunately, most couples don’t consider counselling, or aren’t willing to talk about their problems with someone else.

It is typically easy to spot trouble in a relationship from the very beginning. If the trust and the communication are not there at the start, chances of the relationship lasting long are rather bleak.